Losing Thyself
by Ritsuka-chan1092
Summary: Soon after Kenshin returns from the trip with Karou leaving off from episode 94 , Kenshin injures himself and hits his head, causing him to go back into his former self, Hitokiri Battousai. He may be his old self, but he still has control for some reason. How will the Kenshingumi adjust to their new Kenshin. bad at summaries please read to learn more
1. Chapter 1

**Hello :D it's Ritsuka-chan with another Rurouni Kenshin story :D I just have several plots to work with lol XD so I am trying to get them down before I forget them :D Anyway I hope you enjoy it :D**

**Summary: Kenshin and Karou have just returned from their trip together ( takes place from episode 95 Final) and they are going back into their normal lives. But after a simple accident, Kenshin is injured badly on the back of his head. When he wakes up he realizes that he is his old battousai self again, he still has control over himself most of the time. As long as he doesn't get to upset, he is fine. How will the Kenshingumi adjust to having the battousai living with them?**

_**P.S- In order to practice english honorifics, I am going to be using the english honorifics from the English Seiries. O.O I am not so good at those honorifics and I felt that I should practice it some more! So you won't see to many, -san's , -dono's, or -sama's!**_

**Chapter 1 - Home again**

Kenshin smiled as he waved to his friends that were standing on the bridge. He guided Karou over to the boarding dock to get off the boat. They had just returned from a small trip together. They had went to a small village just off the coast. It was quite relaxing, even if they did get rained out most of the time.

They still had a nice stroll along the beach. They had grown a little closer since the day on the beach when Karou had ran into his arms, afraid the Kenshin had left once again.

Kenshin comforted her, promising never to leave unless it was a life or death situation. He gave her a soft pink shell and had called her by her name without the honorifics. He knew that their friends at the Kamiya doujo would probably laugh at him for it, but he didn't really mind.

He sighed and helped Karou step down off the boarding dock. He smiled at her and then released her hand after a light squeeze.

Karou blushed slightly and smiled and then walked forward to meet up with the others.

Yahiko came running over and stopped in front of them. "About time you to got back, I want to sleep in my room again, no offense to Megumi." he said and put his arms behind his head.

Sanosuke walked up with Megumi and crossed his arms. "So missy, did you push him down?" he joked.

Karou blushed a deep red. "S-sanosuke! You moron, h-how dare you!" she stammered.

Kenshin stepped forward to stop the mini brawl between the two of them. "Now, now everyone, let's just take it easy." he said smiling.

Sanosuke wrapped an arm around Kenshin's neck and gave him and good knuckle rub to his head. "Ah come one Kenshin tell us the juicy details." he sneered.

Kenshin laughed nervously. "There is honestly nothing to tell, that there isn't." he said.

Sanosuke pulled back and raised a brow. "Darn, and I thought this would be it." he said. He sighed and then grinned. "You must be the traditional type." he said.

Kenshin rubbed his sore head and laughed nervously. "Sure, I guess that's what you could call it." he said.

Although Kenshin liked Karou, he was ready to start a romantic relationship yet...he still couldn't forget an old flame of his...the one he accidentaly killed. He felt as if he didn't deserve to be with someone as pure and innocent as Karou. The burden of their age difference was there to, he often thought about that.

Karou sighed and stepped forward. "Let's go home, I want a nice, long hot bath." she said.

Kenshin walked behind her, a little closer than he usually would have.

Megumi noticed and smiled. "I see." she said and soon fell into pace behind them. "I think I will start preparing dinner when we return, would you help me Sir Ken?" she asked.

Kenshin looked over at Megumi. "That's fine with me, that it is." he said and continued to walk and talk with the others.

Sanosuke was telling Kenshin about the robbery that occured at a nearby restaurant in town, while Yahiko and Karou were already at each others throats.

Megumi sighed and shook her head. "This is some group we have here." she mumbled to herself.

Finally the five of them made it back to the Kamiya doujo.

Karou took a deep breath and smiled. "Finally home!" she said and ran forward to the doujo and headed to her room.

"Well geez Missy, did you really have a bad time with Kenshin?" he asked laughing.

Kenshin laughed. "It's alright Sano, I missed being home as well." he said and walked inside the gate and followed Megumi to the kitchen.

Megumi glanced at Kenshin with a questioning look. "So...Sir Ken. Did you enjoy your trip with Karou?" she asked as she helped him wash off some of the fresh vegetables to be cut.

Kenshin smiled and tied his arm sleeves back and began to cut up the vetetables. "It was very relaxing." he said and continued with his work.

Megumi nodded and glanced at him again. "So...has anything...changed?" she pressed.

Kenshin smiled innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about." he said and grabbed another carrot and began cutting it up. "I think that we should have some white rice to go with these steamed vegetables, maybe we could even combine the rice and vegetables and put some meat in it. Sound good?" he asked Megumi.

Megumi sighed. "It does sound good." she said and continued to glance at Kenshin every so often.

"What all did you and Karou do?" she asked, wanting to get out the details.

Kenshin thought for a moment and then smiled. "Well we were on our way to the shoreline when it started to pour down rain. We stopped at a nearby house to ask for directions to the nearest inn, but it turns out that it was all the way up the mountain. So the kind family at the house said they had one spare guest room that Karou could use." he said.

Megumi nodded. "Did you guys stay?" she asked.

Kenshin nodded. "I offered to give the room to Karou and was going to sleep in the shed nearby, but she wouldn't allow it, so in the end we ended up sharing a room." he said.

Megumi looked at Kenshin wide-eyed. "So you two slept in the same room?" she asked.

Kenshin nodded. "Yes. It was kind of strange at first, but as the minutes passed we relaxed and was able to get some sleep." he said.

Megumi eyed Kenshin with narrow eyes. "Is that it?" she asked.

Kenshin inwardly flinched, but nodded. "Yes, that's pretty much it, that it is." he said.

Megumi shifted onto her other foot and smiled. "I see, I am glad you enjoyed your trip with Karou, you should take me next time." she laughed.

Kenshin laughed nervously as well. "I will think about that, that I will." he said. He continued to cook their dinner until it was late afternoon.

Karou had finished up with her bath and was sitting in the dining area, waiting on Kenshin to finish bringing out the dishes.

"This looks delicious, Kenshin." she said and looked over the variety of foods in front of them.

Sanosuke and Yahiko were already digging in.

Kenshin smiled and laughed. "Thank you, Miss. Karou." he said and sat down on his mat and began to serve himself as well.

Karou smiled a distant smile. Just at the beach he had called her by her name only, no honorifics. She had wondered what happened to that. She assumed it was because he didn't want to start a big joke in front of the others, because she was almost sure that they would be harrassed for it.

She shrugged and began to eat as well.

"Listen up everyone,there is a firework display in Kyoto in a week, Misao sent a letter to us. She wants us to come to the festival and to stay a few nights with them. What do you guys think, want to go?" Karou asked.

Kenshin thought for a moment. "I suppose I could hold off on chores for a while, if that's alright with you Miss. Karou." he said.

Karou nodded and smiled at him and then looked at the others. "So what do you say everyone?" she asked them.

Sanosuke nodded. "Count me in missy." he said smiling.

Megumi thought about it for a moment. "I won't be able to go, I have to work at the clinic that week." he said smiling.

Karou nodded. "Ah, that's to bad." she said, not really sounding all that dissapointed. Afterall, now she had Kenshin all to herself.

Kenshin ate his food with a smile on his face. "I think I'd like to vist Master Hiko while I am there." he said. "Although I don't think he'd want to see me." he said laughing slightly.

Karou shrugged and sighed. "You must have had a terrible childhood with him, how in the world did you live with such a complete werido?" she asked.

Kenshin laughed. "Well, he isn't that bad." he said, but then his face scrunched up in memory of his childhood with his master. "On second thought...I sometimes wonder how I managed to survive, that I do." he said, his voice with a slight tremor in it.

Sanosuke gulped down his piece of bread and reached for the last piece of fish, when Yahiko's chopsticks connected first. Yahiko picked the fish up and quickly devoured it before Sanosuke could get his hands on it.

Kenshin smiled and watched everyone. Finally the battles had ended and he was able to rest. He continued to eat and smiled in content.

Karou watched Kenshin and noticed how relaxed he was. She smiled, he would finally be able to rest, to be normal. She continued to eat as well.

They all ate up and sat down on the porch in the evening and just simply talked after they finished packing for their trip to Kyoto.

Kenshin smiled and watched as fireflies flew around them in the late summer air. "It is a beautiful night, that it is." he said.

Karou nodded. "I agree. It is so lovely." she said and releaxed against the wall of the porch.

Kenshin stretched and stood up, I am going to go bring in the laundry." he said and headed over to where the laundry was hanging up.

He hoped this peaceful time would last, but little did he know that something was going to come along and change his future. Will he be able to withstand it?

**Well that is it for this chapter, I hope you guys like it. I know that this first chapter is a rough start, but I am hoping I can make it better! SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME~! Thank you~! Next time, Kenshin is injured badly! It puts him out for a good bit, when he wakes up, it may come as a startle to his beloved friends!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you guys for your patience, as I said, this story is getting of to a rough start, but with you guy's help, we can make it better :D So if you have any ideas, please review them to me and I would be glad to take them into account~! Well enough from me, please enjoy the chapter~!**

**Chapter 2 - Out Cold**

Kenshin was taking down the laundry as the sun went down behind the earth. He listened as the crickets chirpped their summer song. It was relaxing, he now knew what he was missing all those years he spent killing.

It made him wish he could go back and change his past, change the way he had hurt so many people. He sighed and shook away those dark thoughts and finished taking in all the clothes.

He carried them inside and headed back to where his friends were at. He smiled and waved at them. "Sorry for the wait, I am finished." he said.

Karou smiled. "It's about time, we thought you got lost on the way there." she laughed.

Sanosuke stretched and yawned. He laid back on the porch with his arms behind his head.

"It's different now...everything is so still." he said.

Karou nodded. "Well it isn't a bad thing...Kenshin, you can finally rest." she said.

Kenshin sighed and nodded and stopped walking for a moment and looked up at the sky. "I guess you are right." he laughed and then continued to walk over to them.

He smiled and laughed at Yahiko who was snoring loudly beside Megumi on the porch. Just as he was about to walk past the stone water well in the yard, his sandal snapped. He felt himself falling sideways. Everything seemed to slow down as he saw himself heading straight for the stone well.

He heard a loud thud and felt a burning hot pain in his neck and head. He tried to sit up, but everything went black.

Karou had jumped up. "Kenshin! Kenshin, are you alright!" she asked lifting his head up. She gasped as she pulled her hand back and saw it was covered in blood.

Megumi ran over to them. "Don't move him, he might've cracked his skull open." she said with the calm voice of a doctor.

"Sanosuke, we need to move him to a room. Get hot towels and my medical bag." she said.

Sanosuke ran off and laid out Kenshin's futon and got hot towels and Megumi's bag like she had asked. "It's ready." he called out and went over to Kenshin and lifted him up slowly.

He carefully carried Kenshin over to the futon and laid him down on his stomach.

Megumi set to work cleaning the wound. "It's just a deep gash, but he might have a concution."she said. "The bad thing is...since he passed up there is not telling if he will wake up. Usually when someone gets a concusion, you have to keep them awake for the next twenty-four hours." she said.

Karou sat beside Kenshin and cupped his cheek. "How did this happen, it was all to fast. I thought he would catch himself, but he didn't..." she whispered. "Oh please get well soon Kenshin." she whispered.

Megumi sighed. "All we can do now is wait.." she whispered.

**ONE WEEK LATER**

Kenshin was having a deep sleep. He dreamed of the nights he killed his biggest enemies. He was aware of himself though. He could hear Karou and the others talking. He figured he was inside his room, but he couldn't quite comprehend that much. His head was pounding and his body was hot. He felt a slight discomfort in his hand, it felt like someone was holding it, he didn't like it for some reason.

He grit his teeth and continued to fight to regain his senses. His hands were itching for something, he felt like cutting something, just shredding it. He knew something was really wrong then.

He held his breath as he thought of the possiblities.

_'This...doesn't feel right...I feel...aggitated...their voices...are irritating...I...want to silence them...who is holding my hand...Tomoe? Is it you? No...you died...then who?'_ he thought.

He thought long and hard and remembered that he was at the Kamiya doujo. He remembered that he had fell and hit his head. He remained still as he still fought to regain his full senses.

_'That's right...I'm at Miss. Karou's...my..f-friends.'_ he thought. At the thought of friends, he felt his insides go cold. The word felt disgusting to him.

He thought for a few more minutes and then the answer rammed into him.

_'I...am my old self again. That is why...the touch of Miss. Karou's innocent hand...is burning my hand...I can't stand it...take it off...take it off...take it off!'_ he thought.

He felt his left arm twitch some. It felt good to move it, now if only he could move away from the burning hand on top of his right hand.

Kenshin felt the hot hand leave his a moment later. He heard foot steps leave the room and then it was quiet in the room. He senses told him he was now alone. He took this time to open his eyes.

He slowly opened his eyes and sat up slowly. It felt good to sit up, he felt a little stiff though. He covered his eyes so he could try to adjust to the light a little better. He had to control himself. It was strange, he knew he was in his battousai state, but yet he had full control over his mind. He rubbed his eyes a little and yawned.

He then heard footsteps approach. He heard the door open and someone dropped what sounded like dishes.

"Karou, he's up!" a familiar child voice said.

Kenshin knew it was Yahiko. Talk about bad timing. He was hoping he would've been able to sneek away until he found out how to return to his normal state. He didn't want to put his friends in danger. Once again he wanted to shudder at the word 'friend'.

He heard two more sets of feet approaching quickly. He heard a relieved sigh and then he felt arms wrap around him.

He felt the arms burn his skin, it was so uncomfotable, so without thinking he shoved the person whom he knew was Karou, off of him. She thudded to the floor in surprise. She sat up and looked at Kenshin.

Sanosuke looked at Kenshin in surprise. "What was that for Kenshin, finally wake up in your first bad mood?" he asked.

Kenshin said nothing at first, afraid of how his voice would sound. He shifted though to acknowlege what Sanosuke said.

Karou sat up and sat on her knee's. "I'm sorry I upset you, are you alright, should I call Megumi?" she asked.

Kenshin shook his head. He then worked up enough courage to talk. He cleared his throat. "She can't fix my problem." he said, his voice cold and like needles, piercing his three friends.

Karou sat there in surprise, the other two as well. "W-what do you mean...what is wrong?" she asked carefully.

Kenshin moved his hand away from his eyes and opened them and turned to face his three friends. "Because I am not the Kenshin you know." he said.

Karou gasped and felt herself slide back. Sanosuke's eyes went wide and Yahiko dropped his wooden sword.

"Ken...shin?" Karou asked in a shaky breath.

Kenshin looked at Karou with golden narrowed eyes. They were narrowed into cold glares. "What." he mumbled.

Karou shook her head. "It can't be." she said.

Kenshin rubbed his eyes. "Well it is." he said. He looked around. "Where are my clothes?" he asked.

Karou pointed a shaky finger to the corner of the room where his clothes were neatly folded.

Kenshin got up, causing the others to jump. "Leave. I'm changing." he said.

Karou's eyes welt up with hot tears. She nodded and got up quickly and pulled the other two out of the room with her. She ran with them to the front of the doujo.

Sanosuke looked down at Karou. "What do we do...if we let him out of our sights, he could go on a killing rampage." he said.

Karou shook her head and wiped her eyes. "No...he...wouldn't do that, he is still our Kenshin...he couldn't possibly do something like that." she whispered.

Sanosuke patted her back. "Missy...he sorta isn't Kenshin right now." he said.

Karou shook her head and tears fell down her cheeks. "Why did this happen, there must be a way to change him back." she whispered.

"What's with all the commotion?" Dr. Gensai and his two grandaughters had just entered the doujo gate.

Karou and the others exchanged looks before walking over to and explained everything.

Dr. Gensai sighed. "This is terrible." he whispered. He shook his head. "I doubt there is much of anything we can do. All we can do is try to keep him in control. Seeing as he didn't kill any of you, he must have some sense." he said.

Karou nodded and sighed. "I just want our Kenshin back." she whispered.

Ayane looked around her grandfather and saw Kenshin walking towards them. She giggled and smiled, not knowing the situation and ran over to him.

"Uncle Ken!" she said and wrapped her arms around his waist.

Kenshin stared hard down at Ayane and then nudged her away, causing her to look up at him in hurt. "Uncle Ken?" she asked. She then looked into his golden eyes that glared down into hers. She whimpered and ran away to her grandfather.

She ran behind him and hid and sniffled. "What is wrong with Uncle Ken?" she whimpered.

The others stepped back a little and kept their defences up, knowing it was pointless against the legendary battousai, but still worth a try.

"K-kenshin, do you know who we are?" Karou asked nervously.

Sanosuke was in front of her halfway cautiously.

Kenshin looked over at them. "I do." he said. "Karou, Sanosuke, Yahiko, and his grandkids." he said.

Karou sighed in that little relief. "A-are you alright, I m-mean...you won't harm us?" she asked.

Kenshin felt a slight pang in his chest from that question. "I won't harm you." he said truthfully. He didn't hate them, he just didn't want them to touch him.

Karou nodded. "A-are you going somewhere?" she asked.

Kenshin looked off to the side. "Not anywhere special." he mumbled. He looked at her through hard golden eyes. "Why are you asking these things?" he asked, causing her to jump slightly.

"No reason." she whispered.

Sanosuke took a step forward. "So this is what the battousai was like." he said.

Kenshin's eyes narrowed. "You have a problem?" he asked and moved his thumb on his sword sheath, pushing his sword up and revealed a little bit of silver.

Sanosuke shook his head. "No. By the way, I want to ask you a few things, since you are in your current state." he said.

Kenshin let his sword fall back into his sheath. "What?" he asked.

Sanosuke shifted. "Who was the name you were calling out to in your sleep?" he asked.

Kenshin shifted to, causing Sanosuke to take a step back. "Who?" he asked.

Sanosuke looked back at Karou. "What was the name Missy?" he asked.

Karou thought for a moment. "Tomoe." she said. "I think it was Tomoe." she whispered.

Kenshin's heart thudded at the mention of his previous wife's name.

**Thank you for reading~! I hope you've enjoyed this story so far, I also hope it is getting better~! PLEASE REVIEW~! THANK YOU~! PLEASE REVIEW. THANK YOU :DDDD NEXT TIME: Kenshin is debating on leaving, he knows his friends are scared to death of him, so he wants to ease their worries, despite what he says, will they agree, or disagree?**


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